Dare Me to Move?

It seems like everything around me is telling me to do something, to do more, but I don’t even know how or where to start.

I have such a passion in my heart to go places and to tell people about how awesome God is. To hug people who others are afraid to touch. To hold orphans close to my heart, kiss their little foreheads, and rock them to sleep. To encourage people who have lost hope. To help married couples rediscover passion in their loveless marriages. To share with others how screwed up I was until I allowed God to come in and change my life. I want to spread hope and joy and love. Where do you start with something like that?

I know, I know…it all starts in your own back yard. I know I’ve gotten better at spreading the love to those in my home and my close family and friends. I even gone outside of that realm and forgiven people who weren’t sorry and shown compassion toward people whom, in a pre-God state, I would previously have tossed down a long flight of stairs. (lol…jk – kind of) I try to be kind and loving toward people I work with and strangers I pass on the streets. I serve in my church and I volunteer outside of there every chance I get. I try to show people around me the love and forgiveness and hope that I’ve found through Jesus Christ. But, still, I feel like there’s something bigger out there I need to do in this lost and dying world and I feel like its coming at me like a freight train that I just can’t see clearly yet.

I’ve been thinking for a while now (a few years) that I’d like to go to overseas and help people learn about the gospel and offer them a chance to find salvation. A few weeks ago, our pastor mentioned a few possible mission trips coming up. My interest was peaked. He mentioned Costa Rica. Hmm. Then somewhere else. That’s nice. Then he said Ethiopia and my Spirit leaped to attention. I really want to go; I really feel like I’m supposed to go.

I asked my husband what he thought and he was supportive of the idea. I currently don’t have the money to finance such a trip…heck, I don’t even have a passport right now. But I really feel this is what I’m supposed to do. So, I’m going to start by getting a passport. I’ll have to leave the rest up to God to take care of. So I’m praying and I’m believing for a miracle.

Today, our pastor spoke of evangelism and the words just poured into me like water into a sponge. Tonight, I took a Facebook quiz that is supposed to tell you what kind ministry you’re cut out for, and, lo and behold, it said I would be good at missions and outreach. Tonight, I turned on some music on the TV and Switchfoot was singing, “I dare you to move.” I just feel everything around me telling me that change is coming. Its exciting, but I also catch myself being afraid to be excited because I forget Who is in charge of getting me where He wants me to be. I keep thinking about the money. Why do I find it so hard to believe that God will provide for me? He hasn’t failed me yet. In fact, He has blessed me in many ways I never deserved and would never have dreamed to ask for. Why then, when I really believe this is something He wants me to do, would I stop and allow doubt and distrust to cloud my vision? How many ways has He proven Himself faithful?!

I guess another thing that is getting to me is that my husband expresses no real desire to ever go overseas for anything – ever. I know God won’t send me without my husband…not for any length of time anyway. I know He wouldn’t bless me with an opportunity that could put stress in my marriage by creating unhealthy space between my husband and I. But, again, if this is truly what I’m supposed to do, God can change my husband’s heart. Or…maybe this is just a one-time thing. Maybe I’m meant to outreach closer to home for the rest of my life. I don’t know. I can’t second-guess what God has in store for me. I can’t even first-guess it…He always throws me a curve ball (of course, it turns out good when I go with whatever He pitches me)!

So I’m anxious to see what God is going to do. There are a lot of questions and variables, but I just have to keep remembering to trust in the Lord with all my heart – not just say I do, but to really walk it out. I have to catch myself when I start thinking those “what if” kinds of thoughts and turn them into, “But God” confessions. I’ve been going to chuch regularly for somewhere around 7 years now, but I still feel sometimes, in some ways, like a baby Christian. I’m still learning to trust in God. I’m still learning to shut my brain up and have faith that my God will provide for me. I’m still learning to shut my mouth and control my emotions and…oh, so much more. But I’ve come a long way and these things that I’m learning will be life-long lessons. After I’ve been a Christian for 50 years, I will probably still, from time to time, have to remind myself to trust God to take care of things for me!

So, help me pray, would you? Help me pray for God to move on my behalf, help me pray for clairity, help me pray for patience, help me pray that God’s will for my life be brought to fruition. And, if you ever hear me expressing doubt in God’s ability to do anything and everything, please tell me to shut up! 🙂