Valentine’s Day has not typically been one of my favorite holidays. I am a true romantic at heart. I love black and white movies–especially the ones where the rough, leading man falls for the sassy, tough girl. They try to deny their feelings for one another, but the facade ends abruptly as she tearfully cries out her need for him just before he leaves her, and he quickly turns, rushing back to her, pulling her into a passionate embrace. Ahhh! Amore! Oooh, or picnics on those cute little red and white checkered blankets with a bottle of wine. (I don’t even like wine, but it seems so romantic that I keep trying to make myself drink it just so I can feel like I’m doing something classically romantic.) Or what about the chivalrous knight in shining armor who opens doors, gives you his jacket to protect you from the chilly night air, and picks up the tab at the restaurant?! Oh yeah. I love that stuff.
So does it strike you as odd that Valentine’s Day is not one of my favorite holidays? It seems like it should be my favorite holiday of all time. But, you know, because of my own unrealistic fantasies, Valentine’s Day was almost always filled with unmet expectations and disappointment. Many of these disappointments were my own fault, as I didn’t bother to tell my husband what I wanted, what I expected, or what I longed for. I figured, if he loved me, he ought to just know what I want and do it for me without provocation. In hindsight, I see that its is kind of a ridiculous thing–to ask a person to meet the needs that you refuse to tell them you have. I mean, unless you’re married to a mind-reader…then, maybe that might work. But, for most people, that doesn’t typically work too well. Then I erred on the side of telling him too much, basically making a list of demands and being disenchanted when he wasn’t delivering my emotional ransom with enough enthusiasm.
But, finally, over the past 14 1/2 years of marriage, I’ve learned to develop expectations on a slightly more realistic level. I no longer expect us to run toward one another through a field of wild flowers and crash into one another’s arms, as he picks me up and swings me around in a passionate, twirling kiss. (lol. That’s actually a pretty funny mental picture.) But, I do try to let my husband know what it is that would help make me feel more adored, and he does his best to give that to me in the ways that he knows how.
I have laid my ridiculous expectations at the alter and I have grown to understand what love really is. It is not diamond rings found in the bottom of a champagne glass; rather, it is a mature, living, growing thing that has faced obliteration and still lives on. It is joining forces to attack life’s problems together, head-on, knowing who each of you is, standing in the gaps for one another, strengthening each other’s weaknesses and covering each other’s failures. I’ve grown to love “love” more than romance…and, in return, God has blessed me with both.
This year, our church put on a Valentine’s Day dinner/dance the evening before Valentine’s Day–which actually fell on Sunday this year (today). The minute I heard about the shindig on our church announcments, I nudged my husband and gave him the raised-eyebrow and the “can-we-go” smile. Later, I clarified my interest by saying something like, “So, the Valentine dinner…that sounds like fun. Huh?!” Yeah. I’m pretty smooth like that. I wonder if he caught that hint? Well, he must have because he bought us tickets and we went and we had a great time! We got to dress up, eat awesome food by candlelight, hang out with new friends, and enjoy a really good band. We laughed and talked like we haven’t done in a long time. I was so happy! This year, Valentine’s Day didn’t suck! I was pretty sure nothing could top that.
But God…
My husband and I went to church this morning and I was on top of the world. What a great evening God had blessed us with. We were singing in worship, and then it happened. God gave me my Valentine’s Day gift. It was so awesome. The words I was singing began to overcome me. “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty.” I felt so reverant and so overwhelmed by his presence. As I lifted my hand in praise, I felt my throat begin to swell and then, I felt something beside me. It brushed ever-so-slightly against my arm. I opened my eyes to see it was my husband’s hands that he had lifted into the air.
This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it’s not something my husband takes lightly. He does this rarely in public; I don’t think its an embarassment or an uncomfortable factor. I think he’s just less prone to that type of physical expression of his praise. Still, there he was, revrantly praising God and all the sudden I was completely overcome with love. It was God’s love for me – to bless me with seeing my husband like that. It was my love for my husband – thinking of all we have been through, yet here we are, more in love than ever before. It was my love for God. It was my romantic Valentine’s Day moment. It was truly a gift and my eyes flooded with tears.
There is nothing more attractive to me than to see my husband honoring our Father that way. I can’t explain what this moment was…what it did to me…why it was so important. I guess we’ve come from such a difficult place in our relationship from 8 years ago until now, and it was ALL God. We could not have made it without Him. He healed us. He restored us. He blessed us with something amazing and rare. And to see us there, at church, the day after sharing such a fantastic evening together the night before honoring our love for one another, now honoring the One Who made it all possible. There are no words. But God knows what it meant. God knows what He did to my heart. God knows what a blessing that was to me. God knows I long for romance and, today, I was filled with romance like I’ve never seen – not even on the silver screen. This love we have is special. It’s holy. Our marriage is a living testimony.
So that wasn’t enough for God. Nope. He wanted to continue to show me how far we’ve come together. I remember how disappointed I used to get over the silliest things. Now, I’m a totally different person without so many expectations, and my husband is a totally different person who is almost unconsciously meeting many of those former expectations. Now, instead of my husband disappointing me, I am catching him caring. I’m catching him considering my feelings. I’m catching him putting thought into things that completely take me by surprise – and they make me feel so loved.
So, this afternoon, we were out, doing some shopping, and he suggested I go by the book store and pick up a book I’ve been wanting to read. Okay. There are several oddities about this statement. One – he suggested more shopping. He is not a big fan of shopping in the first place, but adding an additional stop to our list? Weird. Secondly – he suggested a book store. Of all the stores he hates the most, the book store ranks right up there with the stores specializing in women’s apparel. And thirdly – this is totally going to blow your mind – he remembered the name of the book that I want to read and suggested I buy it! What? He remembered the name of the book I want to read?! Oh my goodness. That is completely amazing. Unless you know us, you really have no idea how huge this is.
I smiled in my heart, knowing that God was continuing to use my husband to show me that I’m loved. I know He was saying, “Look how good it is when you let Me do it!” I tried so hard before to control and to manipulate and to make the life that I wanted to live. But when I finally let go of all my expectations, God stepped in and He did above and beyond, more than I ever could have asked for or even imagined. He didn’t just give us this goofy romance, He gave us love like He intends it. He gave us something that will withstand the test of time. He gave us something that glorifies Him and brings Him honor.
I am still overwhelmed by all He has done for me today. I’m also completely saturated with love on this Valentine’s Day. I have never been so fulfilled. Thank you, God, for all you’ve done. There are simply no words to express it all. I keep trying, but I can’t do it, so I’ll wrap this up with the rest of the verse I was singing when you came to me this morning and delivered my Valentine’s Day present:
“Holy, Holy, Holy, Is the Lord God Almighty, Who was, and is, and is to come. With all creation I sing, Praise to the King of Kings. You are my everything, And I will adore You.”
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