Have you ever just KNOWN that you were created for something more? Do you get that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you your time is wasting and you need to get moving? But, then, do you also get that accompanying feeling of uncertainty as to what it is you’re supposed to be doing or maybe how to get started doing it? And the combination of these two things make you feel paralyzed, so you just keep doing what you’ve always done.
My heart is crying out for more. I have a passion burning inside of me and it’s a consuming fire. And the more I sit here and keep doing the same things I’ve been doing, the more frustrating it is. I don’t want to snuff out the fire. I want to let the blaze get out of control and I want to set other people on fire with it. At the same time, however, I want a checklist of carefully, well-thought-out plans and a clearly-visible, giant safety net stretched out beneath me.
But I suppose it doesn’t work that way. 
I can’t even concentrate on my “normal” stuff. The things I’ve done for years feel empty. I feel as if the grace has been lifted from my status quo existence and it won’t fully come back on me until I move on to do what I’ve been called to do.
And I admit it. I’m afraid.
There’s this fear…a fear of the unknown and a fear of failure…and it’s gripping me. Satan likes to subtly remind me that I’ve failed so many times at so many things, and I just don’t think I can bear to fail again. And to fail at something for God outweighs, by far, failing at something for myself. And I don’t possess what the world would say is the proper education to do what I think I should do. I don’t have contacts or mentors in the field. I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid of staying the same. What if people don’t like what I do? What if I’m wrong about what I’m supposed to do? What if…what if…what if.
Then I remembered…
God will not call me to do anything without first giving me everything I need to do it.
2 Timothy 3:17, “so that the man of God may himself be complete and may be perfectly equipped for every good work.”
Fear doesn’t come from God.
2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
If I’m walking out my purpose, God will cause even the difficulties in life to work in my favor.
Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
God’s plans aren’t going to fail.
Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God will protect me from the judgment of man. Not that I won’t be judged, but that it won’t matter when I am.
Proverbs 29:25, “The fear of man brings a snare: but whoever puts his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”
These are my scriptures. These are my confessions. These are the Words of God that I will carry in my heart every day so, when Satan tries to bind me back up, I can readily tell him why he’s stupid and wrong.
Now, to get serious about this calling. God is patient, but if I don’t do what He has asked me to do…if I keep putting it off…He WILL find someone else to do it. And, in the mean time, the people whom I could affect, the ones who need me to do this thing, they’re waiting for me to show them the truth that God has available to them through me. They’re praying for a word, and I’m keeping it bound up inside of myself, because of my own selfish fears.
I’m sorry, God, to keep you waiting. I didn’t think about it when you called me to this thing…but you meant NOW—not one day, but now. It’s scary, but I’m ready to jump off of that safe place and dive, headlong, into the depths of this thing You have for me. Lead me, Lord, and, if I stumble, please don’t let me fall. Direct my path and protect me from the snares of the devil along the way. God, I trust you now. I’m sorry I didn’t before. Thank you for trusting me.
220 Gal 