Flesh or Fruit?

It all started with frustration. Frustration soon turned into irritation. Irritation turned into short-temperedness. Short-temperedness turned into snappishness (yep – that’s a word). Snappishness turned into ugly, bitter, hateful, seething anger. It wasn’t a long trip. It wasn’t a trip that I even seemed to realize I was on until I got to there. But there I was…practically foaming at the mouth. None of any of this is anyone’s fault, really…no one but mine. It was a downward spiral that thrust me into a full-on, arms-crossed, furrowed brow, screaming banshee. I’m not even screaming real words at anyone in particular…I’m just screaming out of frustration at the world. I’m pretty sure I look crazy. I feel crazy. I want to take something breakable and smash it onto the ground, just to hear it shatter.

Do you ever have moments like that? Probably not. I’m sure I’m the only one. I’d like to think I’m beyond these moments…that I have more control over my emotions than all of this. Yeah. I’d like to think so, but I’m not. While I’m so much better than I used to be, there’s still plenty of room for improvement. I mean, I didn’t smash anything, and I didn’t act upon every urge that was flashing through my mind. Those were good things. But the fact that this kind of anger is still somewhere deep inside of me…although usually much further from the surface than it is today…it’s quite unsettling.

I know better than to behave this way. I know, at any moment, I could have stopped my rage. But, instead, I just let it all keep building up and building up until it was crushing me beneath the weight of it…one emotion feeding the next. I was making excuses in my head as to why these kinds of thoughts and behaviors were okay, but they weren’t. It’s never okay to let yourself become such a slave to your emotions that you act like a complete lunatic. That word…”emotions”…it triggered something in me. I had just heard that word a few days before from a phenomenal speaker at our church. God told her, “You can choose to follow the path that your emotions want to take you down. But, if you do, I can’t go with you.”

Snap.

It took me a couple of minutes to really let that sink in. Then, I had to choose to let go of my anger. I got outside of the place I had been and I  breathed some fresh air. I  prayed a quick prayer to help bring myself back down to a rational level. I had to look at reality and recognize that my behavior was not helping my situation. If anything, I was making it worse. I was blowing up a bunch of little things into a huge deal, and it didn’t have to be that way. Really, I didn’t even want to be angry. I really wanted to cry. But the fact that I wanted to cry made me angry. lol. Girls! Do we ever get over the emotional tug of war that goes on inside our heads?! Sheesh! God bless the men who love us!

So now, I think I’ll cry. But instead of crying myself into a full-blown pity party, I’m going to cry out to Jesus. He knows what’s up. He knows the stress I’m feeling. He even knows the answer to all my problems. So I’m going to just take all my stuff and I’m going to hand it over to Him. Really…is there any other way? I don’t know what He’s going to do with my mess, but He’s surely got a better plan than mine. And, while He’s working some stuff out for me, I’m going to shut my mouth, unless it’s to praise Him.

Thank you, Lord, for not allowing me to hurt anyone else with my momentary lapse of judgement. Thank you for helping me stop before I dragged myself any deeper. And thank you for taking all the worries and frustrations off of my hands so that they can be empty and open to receive from you again. From glory to glory, Lord, continue to walk with me from glory to glory.

Galatians 5:19-26
¹⁹ The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. ²⁵ Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.