I’m just not good enough. I read my Bible and I pray to God. I serve at my church and I try to be encouraging and uplifting in my speech and actions…still…it’s not enough to quench my thirsty soul. My heart screams out, “Less of me – more of YOU!” I await His filling. And He fills me, yet it drains out so quickly. I’m in constant need of a refill! Like a sponge, hard and dry, until His Spirit soaks me straight through and I’m spilling out…spilling out again as I cry for more.
I am greedy for God. I want all He has for me. I want to be all I am for Him. I want to be permeated by His goodness and mercy. I want to give the grace He has so freely given me. It’s not that I am no good. Made in His image, how could I not be a glorious creation? But my appetite is never satiated. My walk is never complete. I never get to a point where I’m like, “Okay, God. That’s good now. Just leave me as I am.” No. I want more.
He is jealous for me…for my heart and my attention…and do I readily give it all to Him? No. I am a wayward lover. My eyes turn from Him and get fixed on other things. My affections are divided as I find myself, from time to time, seeking the things this world has to offer. How it stings my soul to know I am an adulteress. How I want to turn back to Him, time and again, and beg of His forgiveness. And, as quickly as I do, He is there…interrupting my self-depreciating cries to just allow me to be His hired hand…He wraps me in fine linens and places a ring upon my finger. My prodigal heart, repentant, is welcomed home once again.
I can’t worship Him enough. I can’t go one day without thinking of Him and desiring His presence here with me. I understand my desire for Him…my beautiful and perfect love…but it is His desire for me that confounds me. It is with fear and trembling that I come before the Throne and, face to the ground, cry, “Father, you are Holy.” And my hallelujah worth 10,000 thanks is insufficient in His presence. Yet he looks upon me with His tenderness and He receives my feeble offering.
His righteousness overwhelms me. It magnifies all my stains, yet, at the same time, it is the only substance that can wash those stains away. The blood that was shed and the shame that was wrongfully placed upon my precious savior…it atones my sin. It allows me to enter into the very Throne Room of Heaven and to speak to my Master and receive the honor of being His child.
No. I am not good enough. But He is more than enough, and, through Him, I am made good enough. He leads me beside the still waters and makes me lie down in green pastures. He offers His peace for my pieces and His grace abounds. Fill me, oh Lord. Fill me afresh every day. My good enough is never enough but all that I have I give to You.
220 Gal 