Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, the rooster will not crow till you have denied me three times.” – John 13:38 (ESV)
As I read this familiar passage of scripture today, I felt the Spirit of God reveal it to me in such a different way than I’ve ever read it before. The revelation came as Holy Spirit gently asked, “How many times will YOU deny Me before the rooster crows?”
I hate to admit it, but like Peter, my initial reaction was, “What?! Deny you?! No way! That’s crazy! I would die for you!” But then, Holy Spirit expanded the boundaries of His question.
The question was less about denying that I know Jesus and much more about denying Him full access to my life, denying His ability, denying His intentions, denying Him my trust, denying He is talking when I don’t want to hear what He is saying. Unfortunately, this question was now much more easy to relate to.
I know that there are times throughout any given day that I will give into fear, denying the faithfulness of God. Or I will resist the urging of Holy Spirit to say something to a stranger or pray for someone in public, wanting assurances He will show up and keep me from looking foolish…denying His promptings and denying His power. Self-seeking flesh denies His warnings to flee from temptation as pride says, “Oh, I would never…” and then I do. And when I have backslidden in some area or another, I deny He would ever want to forgive such a worthless screw-up who keeps failing in the same areas, over and over again.
Oh, I deny Christ alright…sometimes more than three times a day. But you know what is almost worse than the denial? It’s when I look at Him, beaten and bloodied because of His vast love for me, and I hear the rooster crow. It’s the light of conviction that goes off when I suddenly realize what I’ve been doing. I feel the pangs of betrayal that are borne in that denial, and I have such deep regret that makes me want to flee His holy eyes of fire and hide in shame.
But Jesus never leaves me there. He simply reminds me:
Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. – Romans 7:25, 8:1-2
Jesus didn’t come to judge. He came to save. (John 14:27) You see this so clearly a few chapters following Peter’s betrayal, when the resurrected Christ tenderly offered a denying, frightened, guilt-ridden friend the opportunity to espouse his love for Him–three times–and to be restored as “the Rock” upon which Jesus would build His Church. You see, frightened denial doesn’t equal complete rejection. Falling doesn’t equal failing. Jesus is well able to forgive and restore even the most painful denials. All we have to do is turn from our doubt and our limitations and our fears, and reclaim Him as Lord over every part of our lives. Then we can remember who we are in His eyes, and step boldly back into our calling. We don’t have to grovel and we don’t have to beg. Jesus came to save. He came heal. He came to restore. He knew what He was getting when He called us, by His Spirit, to be His own. He is neither shocked nor disillusioned by our denial. He loves us and, the Giver of all Good Gifts, wants to teach us how to trust Him.
If you have also found yourself denying Christ in some area or another, I hope you’ll consider praying the following prayer with me so we can be free to be restored and to walk forward into the amazing future Christ has for each of us:
Father, today, I lay my life down before you once again. As rudimentary as it may sound, it is my deepest desire today that I not deny you…not even once…in any area of my life. I pray that I will remain vigilant, as I incline my ear to listen only to Your voice, and that I will not deny you access to any area you wish to possess. I conclude right now that I will trust you, with open hands, even in the most frightening places. Please forgive me for the sin of denying you access. Only one of us can be on the Throne of my life, and today, I’m making a conscious decision to keep myself out of your seat and make You, once again, Lord over all. You are sovereign and You are holy. You withhold no good thing from your children. I thank you for the perfect plans you made for me before I was formed in my mother’s womb. I know your intentions for me are always good. I release all things to you now, in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.
220 Gal 