Jesus is our Redeemer, and He doesn’t just redeem us from our sins, but He redeems us from our mistakes, our poor choices, our doubts, our fears, and our lack of faith. He works all these things together for our good if we love Him and are called according to His purposes. Rarely have I ever been more convinced of this than I am today. Recently, I took a job selling life insurance. It seemed innocent enough. I mean, the offer was there and I surely needed the income. I asked God before I took it, but He was silent. You know how He loves us to have the freedom to choose?! But He never said yes…and He never said no. Already knowing the hidden motives and secret agendas of my heart, of which even I was unaware at this point, He just let me do what I wanted to do.
I allowed myself to be sold on the promises of financial security and joined the team. How I longed for that place of safety. But as I got further and further into the job, I discovered it was so much more than I realized. Working six days a week–encouraged to make it seven–studying sales pitches, doing mock presentations, learning products, and honing my craft. It began to take over my life. I hadn’t seen my mom in almost a month. I was barely seeing my husband. My dreams were even being invaded. This isn’t to say that the job is bad for everyone in every situation or that the people aren’t good people. I’m not saying that at all. What I am saying, is I was miserable because I was chasing money and security instead of chasing God and seeking peace. How did I get so far off track so quickly?
Crying all the way to work became a daily ritual. Then my son/coworker/future-pastor gave me a little bit of advice. He said, “They keep talking about ‘the grind’ here. You just have to keep grinding and you’ll make it through. But you know what I know about grinding? When I’m using a grinder to sharpen my knives, I carefully position the instruments on the belt and I apply just the right amount of pressure to each part of the blade. When done correctly, the position and the friction sharpens the blade into a precision instrument. But if you just keep grinding and grinding, you’ll ruin the edge and possibly even break the tool. We’re not meant to just keep grinding that hard, Mom.” I love this kid.
His words rang back in my head as I headed to work yesterday and the tears began to flow again. I pulled over four different times, wrestling with my fears and crying out to God. Then, parked on the side of a dusty, little, one-lane road, I finally broke down and admitted where I was. I confessed my fears and apologized for not believing the only One who knows my beginning from my end…the One Who formed me in my mother’s womb and Who made good plans for me before the very foundations of the earth.
Finally ready to seek the depths of my most honest soul-searching, I admitted that I accepted this job out of fear and doubt. I was afraid of how we would pay our bills. I was afraid of ruining our credit that we fought so hard to establish. I was afraid of not knowing when the next design job would come in…and worse than that…I was afraid God wouldn’t provide. I doubted His goodness; I doubted His promise; and I doubted His Word, which all clearly say that He is my portion and He will supply all my needs. I sought security and safety in the things of this world–two things I should ONLY find in Jesus or be certain to find disappointment in when other means fail. But the part that made me cry was realizing that I didn’t trust my Daddy. After all He has done, I believed He would forget me and leave me in this place.
Before I had gotten off track, I felt God encouraging me to go into the design business for myself. I started the process but fell off track somewhere along the line as the Father of Lies kept telling me, “You’re not good enough. You’re never going to make it. You’re not creative or original. You’re going to fail and you’re going to go broke trying. What will your family think? What will people say when you quit a sure thing to go chase pipe dreams? You’re too old for this. Your style is out of date. Just go back to work and grind it out like a normal person.”
But you know what I found out? I was never meant to function like a “normal person.” I’m the daughter of the King. Whatever I do, it should be excellent and it should bring Him glory. It should never distract me from the One who gives me all my talents and abilities. It should enhance my vision of Him and point back to Him every single day. I should trust, whatever vision and promises He has given me, He will bring to pass, because He is not a man and He is incapable of lying.
The reason my business was suffering was because I didn’t believe it would work. It was also because I was unsure how to sell my product. But the Redeemer? He used my bad decision to put me in a sales job that would teach me how to sell. Imagine that! He put me in a position where I had to pray before every house call and I remembered to give Him thanks after every presentation. He reminded me how to do what I already knew I was supposed to be doing. He even gave me a fresh perspective on how to finish the book He’s been asking me to write for far too long…and now I’m back in a place where I have the time to finish writing it.
As a matter of fact, the moment I decided to let the job go, I felt a weight lift off of me. Moments later, two different people called me, people I hadn’t spoken to in months, asking me to consider contracted positions at the companies they work with. It was like, the minute I let go of chasing idols and refocused my attention back on Jesus, something broke off of me and I feel both humbled and strangely confident again…not in myself, but confident that my Father is already ahead of me, making a way.
Is there an area in your life you’ve been struggling to hand over to God? If so, I encourage you to consider doing so today. Don’t waste another moment living in fear or listening to the lies of the Enemy. You are capable, but God is unstoppable. As you allow Him to lead the way, you’ll find “the grind” contains much more grace than it did without Him.
God makes everything come out right; he puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work, opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him.
He knows us inside and out… – Psalm 103:6-12 (MSG)
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