Moving Forward

I love this old blog. It really travels a long way in my journey with Jesus. Some of the posts are so cringy now! But some bring tears to my eyes as I remember where I was and what was going on behind the keyboard at that time. I’m so thankful I’ve continued to journal here, even though the posts are now fewer and further between. And while I’m so happy to know that certain posts have encouraged or helped others, this has truly been a therapeutic outlet for so many of my own thoughts and feelings, as well as a legacy for my kids and their kids, so that future generations can know me and my Jesus.

Admittedly yet unashamedly, I acknowledge how I have withheld here during some of the darkest, most difficult times of my life and taken to my private journal to sort things out. I didn’t purposefully abandon this outlet. But to be honest, I didn’t feel like I could write anymore. I didn’t feel like I had one, single thing I could say that hadn’t already been said better by someone else. But today, I remembered that the enemy has always been after my voice…my testimony…my faith and my hope. So today, I’m taking it back.

I want to share about things that have come and gone…some with still lingering effects. I want to talk about the devastating pain of losing my mom. I want to talk about the year from hell, when every month seemed to be a new or increased battle. I want to tell you about my dad dying in front of me and the cancer that tried to kill me and the struggles to hear from God, but always knowing He was there. There’s just so much!

But when it all shakes out, it lands in the same place… God is so good. He is always near to the brokenhearted and He loves us so much. I would have been destroyed, if not for the grace of God. He is so much bigger than all these things and so much closer than our own breath. If ever I get my eyes off of Him I will be done for. I have nothing that amounts to anything outside of Him. I’ve prayed prayers that didn’t seem to be answered and STILL He is my “more than enough.” For He knows the beginning from the end and He knows how He will make ALL things work together for my good. So I trust that all those seemingly unanswered prayers are still in process or they are just being redirected in a way that is better somehow. Because I know His nature and His nature is always good.

So while I will go back, in the next few blog posts, and share some specific moments and testimonies from the past little portion of my life, I am setting the tone up front. Sometimes life gets hard. But when we have a solid relationship with Jesus, we can rest assured that He will carry our burdens, exchange our sorrows for the oil of joy, and saturate us with His perfect peace. In ALL things, He is with us and for us. And with that, I’m ready to move forward once again.