Seeing the God in Me

There’s something I want to share, but I’ve struggled for weeks to put it into words. I still don’t have the words. As I type, I’m grasping, praying, silently searching for some way to accurately describe Him who is not a feeling…not a moment…not a passing fancy. He’s neither a spooky ghost nor God’s apprentice. He’s the only real in all the world. He’s the only hope, the only source, the only way this side of Heaven. He is the Spirit of the Living God. How does one begin to describe the essence of the ever-present, all-knowing, tangible God who lives both within and beyond, who comforts and protects, who invites and who waits and who is so often overlooked despite the extent of His reach, the might of His touch, and the depth of His love?!

My heart aches for the Person of God who is with us every day. “El Ro’i” is the name given to “the God Who Sees Me,” yet He so very often remains unseen by us. We may notice His works, His beauty, His blessings, but we all too often forget the Person. We forget the One who whispers wisdom and insight into our souls; He who reveals knowledge of all things, earthly and Heavenly; He who wraps His comfort ‘round our shoulders when we would otherwise shudder in the face of the opposition; He who strengthens us at our very core when we have so little natural fight left in us. He hears our Heavenly language, the one that’s too perfect for our own sinful nature to fully grasp. Yet He understands every word and carries it into the Heavenlies, enacting angels and forces of nature to respond to our needs.

We’ve likely all lamented at one time or another that we can’t hear Him…how much easier would life be if we could only hear Him? Yet He’s continually speaking. We talk so much, we ask and cry and beg, never quieting long enough to grant Him our ears. Despite our oversight, He continues to guide. He continues to counsel. He continues to draw us to Him. How neglected is our God? How little do we realize all that He truly does for us every day? How little do we realize how close and available He is at any given moment?

I ponder the Holiest of Holies who sees fit to reside within me. In a damp, dark, cluttered mess, He chooses to take up residence and work daily to restore the neglected temple within. Each morning granting new mercies and filling me by His grace, He never grows weary of making more of me than I truly deserve. Only by the shed Blood do I inherit the honor of His unmerited favor. Knowing who I was and who He makes me, I tremble at the thought of my oversight.

I read of the angels in Heaven ‘round about the Throne crying, “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty.” But what do I cry out to the God who lives within me? What do I say to the third Person of the Godhead who is speaking directly to me, leading me to go in a direction I may not want to go? Do I stamp my foot and argue? Do I resist, revealing my lack of trust in His ultimate desire for my own good? Do I hesitate and try to look for natural reasons to follow His leading? Sadly, I’ve done all these things at one time or another. Just thinking about it drops me to my knees and I cry out, “Holy, Holy, Holy! I truly am a person of unclean lips. Please forgive my insolence, my pride, my general lack of respect. Only You know the answers, Lord, and I need only follow Your lead to become all You created me to be.”

Then, the Spirit of God…(Selah)…comes right to my side. He wipes my tears with His mighty hands and He comforts my heart…my cracked-open, bleeding, repentant heart. He refreshes me with Living Water and helps me stand to my feet once again.

How long will we continue to ignore You? How long will we water You down and try to fit You into our perfect, little boxes that make so much sense? Reveal Yourself to us, Lord God, in our every day. Remind us of Your constant presence so that we may acknowledge that the HOLY, EVERLASTING, MIGHTY GOD is with us right NOW. Open our eyes to see You in the previously unseen places so that we may begin to properly acknowledge and worship and honor You in the way that You deserve. Thank You for being so patient and for remaining in me, even when I have failed to remain in You. Let this be the start of a brand new day with You…reestablishing Your authority at the helm of the ship and me obediently following Your perfect orders, remembering that You always work these things together for the good of those who love You and who are called according to Your purposes – and that includes me. Amen.